About
It has never been this difficult.
You’ve never met a problem you couldn’t solve, a challenge you couldn’t overcome. But those challenges exploded and multiplied with devastating consequences.
If you change the job, it changes your finances, which makes the relationship unbearable. If you get out of the relationship, the work doubles, and sleepless nights are endless.
You receive medication to sleep and then have brain fog all day, falling behind at work. You’re full up with your partner’s negativity, so you stop talking. Now you wonder why he’s working late. The twists and turns form an unending loop, a conundrum, leaving you exhausted and confused.
Something has to change.
Let’s start with your partner – and kids – throw in the boss as well! What the heck? How about the entire past? Without all this stuff, life would be so much simpler.
You wouldn’t be so tired from having to deal with another argument, rollercoaster, or trigger. But you’re smart enough to know that’s not how it works.
I'll be honest.
Changing things out there seems easier. Yet, change leads to solutions that create new problems, unintended consequences.
The divorce got you space, but the kids struggle. Avoiding your brother keeps you from overreacting, but you miss the comfort of family. Eventually, you accept that ‘things’ don’t change unless people change. And the only ‘people’ you can change is you.
Think growth.
Your story and conundrum are heavy. The yuck is real. We’ll create a safe space to hold it together, to make the process of restoration and growth light – one step at a time.
Growth is lifegiving and one of our deepest innate imperatives. Others often stunt our growth by sending warnings to ‘not get too big for your britches’ or ‘show some respect.’
While well-intended, such warnings are from insecure people threatened by your strides and want to prevent you from making strides that go beyond where they are in life.
Regardless, you’re in the driver’s seat now with places to grow! We’ll come together and lightly do hard work, putting the past voices into perspective and bringing more of your true self forward – courageous, curious, compassionate, creative, and connected.
With a guide by your side.
My role is to call it as I see it, without judgment – without shame.
My offer to you is 30 years of experience helping people solve conundrums; you bring your current problem, and we work to find a solution. Together, we’ll strive to make sense of the problem, heal the wounds you’re ready to heal and find comfort with the discomfort that comes naturally with living.
That’s growth!
I’m on the journey myself. I’ve cleaned up many of my unintended consequences (i.e., messes!), spent decades working towards a purpose, overcome unhealthy habits of coping, and healed from chronic migraines and betrayal. Life for me includes being single, married and divorced. I’ve found renewed vitality within and watch that my junk doesn't interfere with guiding you.
We'll restore from the roots so growth comes naturally.
Every therapist has a particular style. Unconventionality sums up my style. My approach is to research what matters in our work, coach and teach skills, and educate to satisfy your intellect.
My role is to guide the process and facilitate the dynamic exchange needed.
I’ll show up fully and engaged. If you’re looking for a meet once a week for ten years talk therapist with a cookie-cutter approach, I’m not for you.
If you’re looking for a collaborator to help you name what you’ve been avoiding, set a serious path to clarity, and be an authentic relationship in the process, let’s get started!
Growth comes in spurts and cycles.
My goal is short-term engagements and long-term clients. Although it would be fun to see you every week for the next ten years, I don’t want you to need to do that. I want you to be out living! I want to see you only when another messy conundrum sparks you to grow, and you want a guide.
Who is the unconventional therapist who wants to be your guide?
I’m a small town girl at heart. Grew up on the prairie, have lived my adult life in the city. First Houston, TX then Minneapolis MN. I absolutely love the outdoors…9 months out of the year!
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In contrast to the quiet and stillness I seek in nature, I love the energy of music. From my Morning Boost playlist, to using sound therapy in my practice, to Zumba workouts music supports my rhythm for living. Thanks to my kids and clients, I’ve found appreciation for all genres.
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As a lifelong learner and creative problem solver, I’ve had a hummingbird career so I could blend work and parenting. Being a mom is the best part of my life.
So what brought me here, now?
Life had gotten so confusing.
Decades of corporate work - exhilarating, fast-paced, demanding. I got to do some really cool things and learned so much! Became a guru of problem solving, innovation process, and cross-boundary collaboration. Guiding transformation from dissonance to brilliant solutions was fascinating. Yet increasingly, clients would say they want to collaborate and then not share information. Agree to an action and not follow through. Know they need to build trust and hijack the agenda.
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Home life got so messy.
I was increasingly aware of the internal conflict of what mattered to me as a mom and what I had to do for work so bills could get paid. My marriage fell apart. How could I be doing all the right things and yet things were going so poorly?!
I was so confused...about people.
Completing a masters degree in marriage and family therapy was just what I needed. What I learned about dynamics and human development cleared up a lot of confusion about people. Yet also surfaced that not only was the measuring stick (DSM) questionable, the system was built on using standardized fixes to the things in the book. There was no part of the standard process that got to the root causes of the symptoms. I had worked with engineers long enough to understand that, when a pressure valve blows, it isn't because of the valve is faulty. It blows by design and the cause is somewhere below. And adding a human dynamics perspective highlighted we are often part of the cause that underlies someone else's valve blowing.
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Finally people made sense.
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Doing my own restorative bodymind work helped me find peace with the system rather than jumping to my old protective pattern of over-responsibility to get everyone else to get it and change it! To the contrary, I found a path where I can do what I have to do for the system and model a different approach and be the change I want to create. Plus I'm free to be the problem-solving-so-you-can-restore kind of therapist that gets to the root of things rather than expect you to layer on another band-aid (and feel bad when it stops sticking).
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My goal is for our time together to be as short as possible.
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Your time and money are better spent living. This does not mean we'll be rushed or hurried. We'll take time to understand the distress and contributions to it. Slowing down helps us find the contributions that are most likely to help you sustain the changes for the long term, not just until we meet next. Yet, I don't see your symptoms as a lifelong sentence and I believe you can restore so that you are not dependent on therapy to get from one week to the next. Although it comes with mixed emotions, it is wonderful when clients say "I think I can handle things now." or " I'm ready for a pause."
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I put my passion for research to work for you.
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I'm a guide. A collaborator on resolving your distress. I pour through articles, books, meta-analyses every week, prompted by something a client is trying to resolve. I'm not looking for quick-fixes. I'm building an amazing model of how humans work. When we accept our complexity and drop the ideologies that contribute to distress, we can focus on the 20% of the root contributions that resolve the 80% of the distress and symptoms. It's in the nervous system of which the affect system and threat detection system are commonly in that 20%. Take a look at the layers within you here.
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I can't do the work for you.
I'm a guide. A human that can help you hold stuff that's really big. A collaborator on resolving your distress. And it's your distress, your nervous system, your stuff. You are an amazing human who has been adapting to things all along. What you're experiencing now is a testament to your survivability! It just led to tangles and conflicts that you didn't know were happening. As you resolve the tangles and conflicts in your inner control system, you can find that harmonious rhythm on the inside and bring it to all of your living.
Certifications:
Certified SSP and RRP (Remote) Provider and endorsed Unyte Mentor
Certified in Integral Somatic Psychology
including Pre/Perinatal Trauma and Developmental Trauma
Certified Sonic Anatomy Guide
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Trainings:
Internal Family Systems (Integration with other Modalities)
Polyvagal-informed Therapy
EMDRIA-trained in EMDR
plus preverbal and cravings/urges protocols
Dialectal Behavioral Therapy
Systems Thinking, Master Black Belt, Creative Problem Solving...
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M.A. Marriage & Family Therapy
M.S. Statistics
Licensure: Minnesota Marriage & Family Therapy #3859
“I have been going to see Shelly for both the safe and sound protocol as well as EMDR, both have been life-changing and life-enhancing. I had previously done talk therapy CBT for many years. I had a car accident 2 1/2 years ago which increased the intensity of PTSD from childhood abuse and car accidents. This affected my driving, my relationships, and my life due to my reactions. It has been 3 1/2 months of working with Shelly that has repaired the damage that I had created in my relationships. I am grateful and find this almost unbelievable that one could accomplish so much work in so little time. I would highly recommend Shelly for current trauma and pain as well as childhood trauma.”