Long Term Sobriety
Embarrassed. Ashamed. Afraid of relapse.
It used to be no big deal. It was fun – release – a time to finally feel like yourself.
When did it go wrong? How did it get so bad? The family is mad. No one trusts you. Shoot, you don't trust yourself.
You wonder when you're going to start using again. Walking down the hall at the office, walking through the grocery store, you wonder who knows. The pit in your stomach has never felt more hollow.
In your mind, you want to quit for good. If only it were that easy. No one gets it, and there is no encouragement or support. Everybody blames everything on you and your addiction. You share the skepticism, jabs, and shame.
Everyone, including yourself, is waiting for you to fail. Pressure keeps building at work, and the home is full of negative energy.
White knuckling it is painful.
And not likely to be successful. Sure, you may quit drinking, only to replace it with food.
You abstain from pornography and push people away with cynicism. The pressure on the inside climbs until you explode on someone.
It's such a vicious cycle. With a critic at every turn, nothing less than perfect will do. You can't sleep or focus. Everybody needs something from you; you want to hide.
You'll get a case of the F*-its, go on a binge and start all over.
Repeating treatment is not the only option.
Addictive or compulsive behaviors are not a life sentence. They are a solution that has worked to address a problem that sits out of your awareness – until now. Now we can step back and go underneath the surface to root out the body's dysregulation that started it all.
Your autonomic nervous system stumbled upon alcohol, pot, pornography, sex, food as a solution to settle excess hypervigilance and anxiety or make it safe to come out of your shell. Regardless, it got there, honestly.
Your undeveloped nervous system was likely hit early by adult dysregulation or absence. Perhaps, it was a yelling parent, too much chaos, birth trauma, or bullying.
Release the inner tensions.
Although you feel intense pressure on the inside, you want to avoid exploding like your father. Or, worse yet, you did and became terrified of doing it again.
You feel invisible with no place to fully be you - unless you had a few drinks in you.
The factors that led to your early inner dysregulation are likely out of memory or pop up intrusively.
Your body holds shards of emotional pain that keep your system from adequately regulating today. It also can shake it out once and for all.
No shaming, blaming, or judging
The first step is unhooking the heavy and finding compassion for yourself – accepting that the compulsive behavior first serves a purpose. That behavior does have unintended consequences. But they serve a purpose, nonetheless.
From there, we can create space to solve inner dysregulation. Along the path of restoring your capacity to regulate, life may bring you situations that push your tolerance and use.
Don't consider this a failure or 'relapse.' This is your healing and working through the change necessary for long-term sobriety and healthy regulation.
We follow the work of Gabor Mate, Stephen Porges, and other pioneers who specialized in trauma and attachment. Through the process, staying sober becomes easier.
Get on with living.
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I've been on this slippery slope myself. Let me come alongside you to heal at a deeper level.
Feel good about yourself. Feel good enough at all that you do. Release the protective layers.
Once you restore your capacity to regulate, living becomes fun again! As a result, you will no longer be a scapegoat as your critics begin to learn from you. They'll want to join your journey.