Updated: Jul 17, 2020
Being raised by humans, odds are you’ve experienced some degree of sexuality traumata. Before you even had a name, you were known by the declaration “It’s a girl” or “It’s a boy.” At that moment, everyone around you knew how they would interact with you. Beyond the simplicity of differing anatomical parts, you were shaped to understand your identity as a boy, a girl, a man, or a woman. Your development was dependent on the embodied habits and embedded beliefs of those around you. Without thought, they scolded you - boys don’t cry, or girls don’t play in the mud. Simple little things contribute to sexuality traumata – shocks that have a lingering and cumulative effect and are associated with biological sex. So simple they sink to your core and make you doubt who you are because you know your eyes let out tears without effort, and it felt good. You felt excited and playful as the mud squished between your fingers. Yet the adults you trusted communicated something different, so you naturally lost belief in yourself.
Ironically, clear communication about the care of those anatomical parts was likely minimal. You learned the purpose and value of them from catcalls and whistles in the locker room, or by how the opposite sex treated you. Your parents and caregivers avoided words like penis and vagina; they may have referred to you or others as a bitch, cocksucker, or fag. Even if you disagree with it or feel disgusted by it, you are the child and are shaped by it. Unfortunately, habits around sexuality are just as automatic as those that shaped you to lock the door at night and then wonder if you did it. Your sexuality traumata are the negative consequence, potentially unintended, of others’ unresolved sexuality traumata. You can stop the pattern.
The way you received all of those cues, shaped your understanding of yourself, and remain rooted in the regulation of your nervous system. As you go through life with an innate desire to be seen and heard for who you are, others' beliefs and expectations get in the way. Regardless of the experiences being subtle child’s play or outright sexual abuse, the impact sits in your viscera. Similarly, medical procedures are another category of sexuality traumata and can leave trauma energy trapped in the body. These include circumcision, gynecology exams, childbirth (for mother and/or child), miscarriage, abortion, and vasectomy. Because they affect the viscera, the interconnection at the level of brain-body circuitry, talk therapy is inadequate for the restoration of the effects of sexuality traumata. You may have experienced the double bind of the pleasure and anxiety release from the orgasm of masturbation to be quickly followed by the shame of religious messaging you’d go to hell.
Now you may not be able to tolerate a ‘no’ from your partner as it pokes at who you are – pornography may be safer than the risk of rejection. You may experience dissociation to get through sexual interactions with a partner whom you love. You may stay on heightened alert for threats everywhere or struggle to get through the day. It is always with you. Any of these may suggest you are 1 in 4 that have experienced traumata connected to sexuality.
What if your body parts didn’t get automatically linked to who you ‘should’ be or how you ‘should’ go through life? By releasing the holds that developed in your nervous system, you can free yourself—empowered to live the rhythm of your best life with simplicity and clarity.